The Art of Becoming

In a world full of noise, expectations, and “shoulds,” it’s easy to lose sight of who we really are. We grow up shaped by what others need from us — family, friends, society — and somewhere along the way, our truest self gets buried under layers of roles, routines, and responsibilities.

I still remember the day I realized I’d forgotten how to choose for myself.
It was something small — a Saturday afternoon, standing in front of my closet, trying to pick out clothes for a brunch I didn’t really want to attend. I found myself reaching for something I thought they’d like, not something that felt like me.
That tiny moment caught me.
When did I stop dressing for myself? When did I start performing instead of living?

That was the beginning of the return.

The beautiful truth is this: your true self is never lost. It’s still there — quiet, steady, waiting for you to remember.

Becoming yourself isn’t about changing who you are. It’s about returning. It’s about coming home.

Here’s a soft, soulful guide to help you begin: 

1. Notice What Feels True

Start by tuning in — not to what sounds good on paper, but to what feels right in your body. When are you most at ease? Most alive? Most connected? These moments are breadcrumbs. Follow them.

Ask yourself:

• When do I feel most like me?

• Who helps me feel safe and seen?

• What quietly lights me up — even just a little? 

2. Give Yourself Permission

You don’t need permission to be who you are — but sometimes it helps to give it to yourself anyway.

You are allowed:

• To rest.

• To dream.

• To say no without guilt.

You might remind yourself:

• “It’s okay that I’m not like everyone else.”

• “I don’t have to explain my choices.”

• “I’m allowed to grow, shift, and change.”

3. Peel Back the Layers

We all build up layers to protect ourselves — identities, habits, expectations. Some have served us. Others may now be hiding who we truly are.

To gently begin peeling them back:

• Reflect on who you were before the world told you who to be.

• Release roles that no longer fit.

• Be curious about parts of you you’ve silenced or set aside.

Try journaling: 🖋️ “I feel most free when…”
🖋️ “A part of me I miss is…”

 4. Take Small Brave Steps

Becoming yourself doesn’t require grand gestures. It happens in quiet, everyday acts of self-honoring.

It could be:

• Wearing something that feels like you.

• Speaking your truth — gently or boldly.

• Making space for what brings you joy.

Each time you choose yourself — even in small ways — you come closer to home.

 5. Find Safe People

Coming back to yourself can feel tender. That’s why it helps to be surrounded by people who see you — not just what you do or how you perform, but the real, messy, radiant you.

Seek out:

• Listeners, not fixers.

• People who celebrate your becoming.

• Relationships where you don’t have to shrink, pretend, or perform.

And if you don’t have those people yet — hold on. They exist. You’ll find each other.

 6. Practice Self-Compassion

This path isn’t linear. Some days you’ll feel lost again. That’s okay. You’re still becoming.

When you’re being hard on yourself, try this: 💬 “What would I say to a friend who feels this way?”

Now say it to yourself. Kindly. Gently. With grace.

Final Thought

You are not behind.
You are not broken.
You are becoming.

Becoming isn’t a finish line. It’s not a role to master or a version of yourself to chase.
It’s a quiet unfolding. A soft remembering. A slow return to the truth that was always there.

The art of becoming is about listening — not forcing.
It’s about honoring your rhythms, not rushing your progress.
It’s about choosing, again and again, to come home to yourself.

So take your time.
Follow what feels true.
And trust this: every small act of self-honoring is a brushstroke in the masterpiece of your becoming.

You don’t have to earn your way back to yourself.
You only have to begin.

Because the real you?
You were never lost. Just waiting to be gently found.

Ed Aimé, MSW, LMSW